Seven honest questions that show where you are just functioning and where you decide for yourself. Each with a short exercise.
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I believe most people make fewer of their own decisions than they think. Much of it runs on autopilot: adopted expectations, old habits and fears that pass themselves off as common sense.
These seven questions are meant to help you look more closely. Take ten minutes and answer them in writing and honestly. You don’t have to show anyone what you notice.
Postponed decisions are rarely a question of time. Usually they protect someone: a parent, a partner, your own image. Once you recognise that, you see whose expectation is really deciding.
Write down the decision and next to it the name of the person you don’t want to disappoint.
The inner sentence “That’s too risky” often sounds like someone in particular. Many of our concerns were not formulated by us but adopted from others.
If this thought had a voice, whose would it be?
Habits save energy, and that is a good thing. But they can replace decisions. At some point you no longer ask whether something still fits; you just keep doing it.
Name three things in your week that you would not choose again today.
Without an audience, status, comparison and justification fall away. What remains is what you want yourself. This answer is often uncomfortable because it is clearer than anything you have said so far.
What would you do differently tomorrow if nobody ever found out?
“Now is not the right time” sounds reasonable. Sometimes it is true. Often it is an old protective programme that puts security above growth.
Would you give a good friend in your position the same advice? If not, it is probably fear talking.
Change has a price you see immediately: time, uncertainty and perhaps criticism. Standing still costs something too; you just notice it later: years, energy and a piece of self-respect. What many people underestimate is that they usually only calculate the first price.
Describe in three sentences what your life looks like in five years if nothing changes.
If you have answered the questions honestly, you probably know more than before. But for something to change, it takes a step. It doesn’t have to be big: a conversation, a request or a decision you have been putting off for a long time.
Write down the step with a date and tell it to someone who will follow up later.
If you noticed while answering that you are stuck somewhere, let’s talk about it. In the initial call we clarify whether coaching is the right next step for you.
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